Boudoir Bandit

My little Boudoir Bandit* is stealing my underwear again. I was just sitting alone at home talking to my dad (on the phone) when I looked down and saw Punk digging through my "surplus" underwear. (That's underwear that doesn't fit in my underwear drawer. I'm not sure I've ever had as many clean undies and socks and such as I do now that the laundry is right outside my door.) As he scurried away with his treasure, he somehow managed to get his head through a leg-hole and just ran around wearing it for a while. My poor father couldn't understand what I was trying to tell him because I laughed so hard I couldn't breathe.

*I googled "Boudoir Bandit" to make sure I was spelling 'boudoir' correctly and apparently it's an obsolete slang term for gold digger. I talked to Punk and he's OK with being called a gold digger as long as I pay him in Kitty treats, string, and catnip.

Guess what I did today

Guess what I did today. Go on, guess. I tickled this "little" dude's tummy. Cuz I'm awesome. And alligators are totally ticklish. Haha. He was one of the "therapeutic" animals to visit M'side's campus today. I also saw a monkey, a snake, a few birds and some other things, but dude! I touched an alligator today! He was so calm. I felt along his tail and across his belly. It's a little different than a crocodile (I felt a baby one at Reptile Gardens a few years ago. it was a baby and had super soft feet.)
He is about 6 years old and probably 4 feet long. So he's twice the size of my cat and 3 times as calm. Haha.


Andy and I have been married 6 months today, by the way. We didn't do anything to celebrate, but it was awesome anyway.

Oh, and I killed either the ninth or tenth wasp of the summer in my office today. Is there some sort of door prize for that? medal of honor maybe? Some days, working in my office is more dangerous than driving the Amazing Exploding Minivan.

Snot Weasels "wanted"

I need an image of a "Snot Weasel" My "dear" brother has decided that my new nickname upon "reconnecting as a family" shall be "Yellow-Bellied Vomit Squirrel*." Obviously, I can't keep calling him "Douchebag", so I've decided Snot Weasel. But now I need a picture b/c it has to be a "real thing." Help please?


*A yellow bellied vomit squirrel is actually Yellow Bellied Marmot. My dad thinks he's funny... well, my dad is funny. the story is funny. my brother is not funny. but he thinks he is.

Aunt Becky Comes to Visit

In order to get rid of all her BlogHer swag, Aunt Becky, over at Mommy Wants Vodka started a contest. She challenged her readers to use her leftover business cards in picture posts. For contest rules, see here, because I am too tired (read: drunk) to post them all here. So, without further ado, Aunt Becky Comes to Visit. Also known as "The One Where Aunt Becky Visits and Misty Gets Drunk."

I was overjoyed when Aunt Becky showed up and immediately started taking pictures. I introduced her to the entire family, of course.
Here's Punk meeting Aunt Becky. He's pretending he isn't overjoyed, but we all know differently, right?


And she met the Cunninghams (Andy and Misty):


The original plan was for Aunt Becky to accompany Misty to the pool of the new apartment. However, it has been a DAMN COLD August, so they went to the spa instead. Here’s Aunt Becky enjoying a good massage:


After the spa, Becky and Misty returned home to hang out with the family. Becky promptly climbed the blinds, Punk-style, in order to spend some time with him.


Being an asshole (read: male), as he is wont to do, he took that as a challenge.


Attack!




Just when it looked like Aunt Becky was down for the count, she made a remarkable comeback! And Punk became her love slave forever.


This week marks Misty turning 23, so she and Aunt Becky has tea in sweet new ceramic “take out” cups Misty found at Gordman’s.


After a quiet weekend in, Misty had to go back to work. She left Aunt Becky in bed since she was only working half a day and because her job SUCKS.


But isn’t Aunt Becky cute when she sleeps?


At work, Misty had a REALLY SUCKY day. She and Becky decided that they should celebrate in the age old fashion: They got HAMMERED.
Aunt Becky promptly made a new friend, Rum.


And then Rum looked on sadly as she met Hyde, of Jekyll and Hyde.


Punk looked on worriedly as she made friend after friend:


But Aunt Becky missed her old friend, Vodka. In just the nick of time, some mutual friends came along.


And they helped her reach her old friend.


Drink after drink, Punk looked on with concern.


And like a True Love slave, he took care of his mommy and his Aunt Becky when they had too much to drink.


Even when that meant he had to take one for the team so Mommy and Becky couldn’t drink.*


One last drink and Becky and Mommy were ready to call it a night.


Then Punk pulled Aunt Becky’s head out of the sink (don’t worry, I’ll spare you that photo) and everyone went off to bed. And Aunt Becky got the best sleep of her life. (No one tell The Daver!!)



The End.

(Dear Readers,
Please forgive me if this seems a little ramble-y or anything like that, I’m still a little drunk. Happy Birthday to me!
Love,
Punk’s Mommy/Misty)
*No animals were hurt or real alcohol wasted in the making of this blog post.