Friday, October 30, 2009

A ramble-y type post about self-censorship... and sex (?)

Ohhhhhhh, the things I could say... And the things I can't say... Let's just say that the things I can't say, far outweigh the things I can say. Or maybe it's that I won't say those things. I struggle to know what I want the world to know and what I don't. I leave a lot of comments on other blogs, comments that track back here. I say things on other blogs that I am afraid to say here for fear that certain people may somehow find this. That sounds like I'm in the CIA or something... In which case I'd be much better at hiding my identity huh? And I'd have a cooler blog name, not the only thing I could think of at the time... ...Anyway, I meant people I know, like my 2nd Mom. For the record, my second mom isn't technically my mom at all. I babysat her kids for years and she taught me pretty much everything I know about being a mom/wife/woman/etc. I sent her the link to a post I wrote last year, and I get paranoid that she'll somehow stumble on this and read something inappropriate.

Except for my husband, she's the only person I know, face-to-face, that I have ever shared this link with. I have a t-shirt that says "I'm blogging this" but no one has ever commented on it. No one has ever asked. I'm not ever sure how I feel about that.

After a couple of fights where I changed my Facebook status, I promised Andy I would never post arguments or things that are just between us online. Not like "fit of rage" posts anyway. Some days, though, I feel like he doesn't know me, know who I am, or what I am about, and I write little "journal" entries to myself. I never post them, but I feel better getting them out. I worry about that though.

I'm really rambling now, especially since I started thinking about the things I say and don't say after entering a contest at another blog. The entry was to post the oddest place you've done the Nasssssty. I entered a story and started thinking about how it is a funny story, but I would probably never share it here. Which is a shame, cuz let's face it, I need all the personality I can get on this blog! And if a friend asked, I would tell them the story. I've shared it online before. But I don't know if I could sleep if I posted it here. Cuz What IF?

1 comment:

Kelley said...

I totally get this. I have HUNDREDS of unpublished 'therapy' posts in my drafts that I wish I could post, but there is the what if...