Friday, May 8, 2009

Terror in the Workplace

I almost died today. If it hadn't been for bleach, the Be All, End All of the WORLD, I would be dead.

Abby and I were sitting peacefully in our office, dreams of sugar plums and booze and quitting early cuz it's Friday and Patrick isn't here and we just don't care today running though our heads.

When all of a sudden, Abby gasped, "WHAT is that?" "What?" I asked. And then I heard it... Daaa da. Daaa da. Daaa Da. Ok, not really. It was more bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

I looked up, and what to my wondering eyes should appear? A bee. Or a wasp. Something. Something loud and buzzy and with big wings and a big butt and Oh man, that thing could hurt us. It flew around our desks a few times, Abby squeaking "Oh god, where did it go?" every time she lost track of where it was. Finally it landed on the ceiling and started making love to a fluorescent light fixture.

Abby went downstairs to get Sheri's keys to see if Bruce(aka BruceTheCreeper)(he's the janitor) had any bug spray in his "office." Meanwhile I sat exactly where I was to keep an eye on the bug (cuz, oh my god, what if we lost it?) and googled what else killed huge dangerous bugs in case Bruce(the Creeper)didn't have bug spray.

He didn't.

So we did what online said: household cleaners coat the wings so that they can't fly and they breathe, supposedly through their skin (booklungs like a spider?) and the cleaners coat them and they suffocate. WRONG!
We proceeded to spray the CRAP out of the Freaking Flyer Of Death and he just kept trying to find however he got in. He ended up on the window, no doubt wondering, like Abby and myself, how the EFF he got in.

We kept spraying.

He kept living.

Obviously this booklung thing is far superior to our actual lungs, since Abby and I were almost dying from the All-Purpose (except bug killing) Cleaner and the damn bug was still crawlin' away on our window.

Finally he slipped and fell in the puddle of cleaner that was growing under the window and I continued spraying him (to keep him in the puddle) and squashed him with my flip flop.

Turns out he was a wasp with THE WEIRDEST stinger I have ever seen. Good thing we squished him; one sting from that thing probably would have turned us into Mutant Wasp Women. Ugh. My lungs still burn. My office smells like bleach. blech.

I'm going home at 3 for emotional trauma.


Daisy said...

Oh my. Sounds like trauma to me. And why wasn't there bug killer? Isn't that an essential janitorial supply? I'm glad that you and Amy were able to handle it. Is this something you can add to your resume? ;) I hope so!

Misty said...

Hahaha, that would be great: "Expert Wasp Drown er and Squasher" I'll make sure to put that on...
And who knows why TheCreeper didn't have any... probably too busy lurking outside the bathrooms....

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