Friday, May 1, 2009

Thursday 13, Late again...

Thursday 13, Late again... Maybe I should do "Wednesday Whatever" so that when those are late I can just call them Thursday 13s... hmmmmmm.... anyway...

13 Reasons Why My Brother Should Go Live in a Volcano (but not the Yellowstone Caldera, cuz that's mine!)

1. He's already a hothead, so he'd be just fine.
2. He stole the glory from my (HS) graduation by getting married. (for the second freaking time! Are you kidding me?!?!)* **
3. You can't knock anyone up in a volcano. Too hot for the spermies. (He got his first wife knocked up when she was still in HS... Cuz he's a dumbass {he was 24})
4. Every family occasion turns into "Chris Storytime" where my mother turns everything into a story about my brother. Even when I call to talk about where to take my honeymoon. Ick.
5. He gets to go to Yellowstone this year and I can't and they are taunting me with it.
6. He insulted me (twice) at my grandmother's funeral. Didn't say hello or ask to be introduced to Andy, (then fiance, now husband) just waled up, talked to my parents, then insulted me.
7. He's never been dependable. I was supposed to spend a weekend with him in 6th grade. He was gonna pick me up after school. I ended up going home and sitting at the window waiting until 11 that night. I got up around 7 the next morning and waited in the window for 5 more hours. He showed up around noon. He hadn't come the night before because his girlfriend had to work... until 6... they only lived 2 hours away from us.
8. He only shows up if there's a funeral or to ask for money. He once drove across the state (my parents live in NE, he lives in SD, but he was vacationing in the panhandle of NE, about 6 hours from us) to ask my dad for money cuz he took his 2 sons camping and tubing and didn't plan to have to buy life jackets and other things. So h needed gas money to get back to his house (about 4 hours from us).
9. He says he's gonna show up to family events like holidays and then doesn't.
10. My mother gets more excited about him coming for a day than she did about the first time Andy visited.
11. My mother cleans the entire house whenever Chris says he's coming. Even if he phones that day. I give her weeks of notice and she still can't even move all the stuff she's thrown on my bed.
12. My mother makes his favorite dessert whenever she hears he's coming. I made my own birthday cake last year.
13. He insulted my camera. My beautiful Canon Rebel. People have been shot for less.
Bonus: 14. He is a large bag of douche. the end.

*He didn't see fit to come to my college graduation and then insulted me at a funeral, so I didn't invite him to my wedding. What a jerk.
**Weird note... his first wife was 6 years younger than him (got her knocked up when she was in HS) and his second wife was approx. 6 years older than him. No pattern, I think he's just a whore.

3 comments:

Sarah said...

At least yours asks for money. Mine just steals checks and cashes them, robbing my parents of almost $2K in less than a month :(

Daisy said...

How about an underwater volcano? Then they'd be doubly trapped. *hug*

Misty said...

Sarah, you don't even wanna know some of the stuff he (and sometimes even my mother) has pulled. That $2K sounds like something my mother may or may not have pulled... did I ever tell you the story of my mother spending 2 days in jail?

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